Charlie who?

What better way to celebrate Charlie Hebdo than to make an attempt to emulate their satire and cynicism. I hope every reader of this will be offended.

The poor, aggrieved, shocked and emasculated West. What horrors they have witnessed this week. What sadness has been visited on their houses.

Their childlike incomprehension is saccharin cute, like a twenty year old with “Frozen” bedding. Looking at their sobbing faces, one cannot help but feel a twinge of misplaced sympathy for the silly fools. Until you see the voyeuristic little faces peering round the corner to get one more look at the horrific scene. Then you realize the little shits are actually enjoying this.

We should have guessed this. the moral outrage was so gauche as to defy belief. The disgust did not stop them from replaying the horror hour after hour, day after day.

Now the idiots have all decided that the best thing to do, the most important moral action to take, is to republish the Charlie Hebdo cartoons. As if they are some kind of totem for the nebulous idea of free speech.

Many of these same infantile minds were, not a month ago, decrying the abusiveness of trolls on the internet. Trolls who have the same free speech and are mostly less abrasive than the Hebdo crowd. Trolls that were private citizens expressing private opinions.

Therein lies the true source of the outrage. The Charlie Hebdo victims were journalists. And according to journalists they therefore held a superior right of free speech reserved only for those who write words and draw cartoons professionally. The word whores. These were not some kids sitting in their parents basement throwing out disparaging remarks at random strangers. They were professional insulters, skilled at offending whole swathes of humanity for money.

To those who really believe this was a significant assault on the bastions of free speech I say: You have the moral fiber of Bigmac burger and the intellectual fortitude of custard. You are a silly little people with no sense of perspective.

There are bigger tragedies playing out in the world this week, many of them overtly or covertly supported by your own governments. Some, like Iraq, caused because your facile and flaccid media failed to exercise freedom of thought when it really counted.


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